Mark - His Story

Concerning this next gentlemen we're going to call up to the my-CROFF-a-ny now, we'd like to say there is nothing sweeter than the sound of his fiddle... We'd like to say that bee-keepers hire him to call the bees home when all else fails, and that he his fiddle playing is currently under investigation in three cases of adult-onset diabetes.

We'd like to say that, but we can't, ladies and gentlemen, because the truth is that there have been instances where Mark's fiddle playing did not bring satisfaction.

His first job as a young boy was working for an exterminator. Mark would walk up and down the streets, playing his fiddle in Pied Piper fashion, causing rats, mice, moles, voles, roaches, ants, silverfish and earwigs to flee ( Oh, yes. Fleas ) ... to flee into the houses.

Later, when he moved to an apartment, he would practice in the middle of the night, causing drowsy neighbors to remove the batteries from their smoke alarms.

Motorists have been known to pull off the road, thinking the fire department, rescue squad, and the ice cream truck were all approaching full speed.

... but after intense re-training, mild electroshock therapy, and judicious application of aerosol foam insulation, Mark has made great strides in his tone production, and though, sadly, his past victims cannot be brought back to life to hear it, his playing has become, at times, almost bearable.

So please make him welcome, on the old cornstalk fiddle, Big Mark